Saturday, 14 January 2012
What being on lax and three stings make you write.
I am wondering right now, how and why can music impact me so much?
Music, something which i'm not supposed to listen to, but i still am committing the sin. Deadmau5.
I guess it is the ring i need. Ring to my thoughts.
The sinking feeling of the drop gets me shallowing deeper.
I would sit and stare at my laptop screen for hours and wonder about the words i heard yesterday. Is life really dependent on morals and ethics?
Can you stand still,
Can you dance with light?
Can you hold this moment in your hands?
If you ran back,
When this time has passed,
And relive this memory in your head,
Together we control the sunlight,
Yeah we control the sunlight.
This is one smooth track which gets me thinking. You are wondering how i survive without music otherwise eh?
Morals and ethics.
I was brought on this topic last night only and honestly, i haven't been able to sleep well even with lax as now all my mind is gripping on about is whether any of my actions all my life have been ethically sound and held moral values or not?
The thread of thought started weaving its way to my gray cells and it became a net wider and more tangled than i could have imagined. Surely, my actions were contrary to that of ethics and morals. What do i do wrong?
Not much except i sit and negate my gender and my age. According to the society i confirm to, i am supposed to be mellow. Covered. Quiet. Dependant. A girl.
So yes, I am a girl. The word reminds me of my cousin, who was born and bred back in my punjabi village and her teacher made them learn the alphabet as "Jee For Grill' Instead of the accurate "G for Girl". So to date, that poor girl calls herself a grill.
Okay. I got diverted.
Even the institute I go to, I am not accepted fullheartedly because i like to sit with my legs on the chair. There are demeaning remarks passed because i prefer denial when it comes to my gender. People would put their hands to their mouths and make the 'haww haye' face and start going judgy.
I am made fun of because i usually enter with earphones in my ears, sneakers and jeans on. Boys around. Too bad the world doesnt see the boys as friends. Too bad that their eyes can only filter the friendship between a girl and a boy as that of a flirt-relationship. I am passed looks by grills because i dont apply make up and i come with a washed face and scanty color on my cheeks. I am called names because I have a redbull in my hand. My laptop swinging around in one arm and laughter emanating from my lips whenever i see my friends.
The small group i hang around with accepts me. I think. But now there are issues with that too. So i would just sit with the few of my friends and live my moments of denial in perfect bliss.
Is engaging in a relationship with future risk on the infinite scale against the laws of morals? I think it is. But what about having fun in life? Having pleasure in life? But that is immoral. But ..but.. but we're supposed to have fun right? Because life is too short? Right? RIGHT?!
No. We are not.
Because there is an accountability test to every action of ours. Every move we make, we will be judged by a higher power for it. And till that time comes, we must remain in limits and live as per the moral values which are predetermined by the society and religion we conform to, whichever it may be.
And how in the name of holy dash did i come up with this? A saint like friend made me realize where i was headed. Where he was headed.
So, now it be morals ad ethics to what i will conform to. Thats where i am headed. For there is nothing more in this world to look forward to.
Everything has an end. Everyone leaves. And as everyone leaves you alone so in the end, you should be able to look back and see the moral values shadowing your actions. And then be proud of it.
Try to lessen the regret-chapter from your life. It should only be a small appendix, not the entire background story.